No. 158

Walking in a Corporate Wonderland: Big greedy corporations? Boooo. Guided tours of corporate headquarters, including big gift shops and lots of free samples? Yay! So it went on our day spent in downtown Atlanta, where we toured the World of Coca-Cola and CNN studios. At Coke HQ, they pump you so full of soda love that by the time you get to the World Tasting Room and are granted bottomless samples of sixty Coke products from around the world, only bad things can happen. Bloated and sticky with the secret formulas of weirdo African and Latin American pops, we ambled through the movies, memorabilia and propaganda of an American corporate juggernaut. Besides an afternoon of funny gas, here were the takeaways: The only thing that matters in the world is Coke, which may or may not somehow improve brain and nerve function.

Then came CNN, the prodigal goody-two-shoes of the Turner Broadcasting family. CNN offers a very worthwhile kind of zoo tour, allowing common people to view the network’s newsrooms in action through greasy, forehead-stained glass windows. Sadly, the glass windows overlooking the Headline News room are etched with the warning, “PLEASE DO NOT KNOCK ON THE GLASS.” People, did we learn nothing from the San Francisco Zoo maulings? Amy and I don’t drink a lot of Coke, but we do watch a lot of CNN, so this one was real feel good fun. Takeaways here: The only thing that matters in the world is CNN. Also, an English-speaking monkey could do the job of the on-air weather personalities.

Clearly there’s a lot more to Hotlanta than corporate HQs. Delta Airlines, Turner and Coke may dominate daily headlines, but there’s a wealth of “world famous” hot dog diners like The Varsity (inset) and innumerable markers of African American history and culture, like Martin Luther King Jr.’s final resting place. Bad traffic, sweet southern hospitality and big winter thunderstorms. We saw all these things too and here was the takeaway: The only place that matters is Atlanta. And I’m thirsty. Let’s watch some news.